Now the jingle hop has begun

It’s Saturday morning. I’m in the sunroom looking out at golden brown leaves blowing in the wind. Occasionally, well bundled couples with their dogs walk by the back gate. Runner’s in knit hats, scarves, gloves, and running shorts, fly by more often than the occasional crisp leaf falls to the ground. D’Ohgy and Rolf are still in bed, although the morning is slipping away fast. We have high hopes for the day, and we should really get started soon.

Our holiday started on Thanksgiving Eve. Even though it was 60 degrees at lunch time, by the time we were on our way to Puck's, we thought we saw snow. We went to the Warner Theatre to see A Tuna Christmas! Rolf and I have seen it about four times now. (Soon to be an annual tradition, the show is here every year for the week of Thanksgiving. We’re lucky to have them here at all. Besides, since they come so early, there are always half-price tickets available! Yay TicketPlace!)

When we all walked out of the house, our laughter stopped suddenly at the stunning sight of the season’s first snow. I remarked to Memae, as we walked arm in arm to the car, that the snow must be a welcome sight (being that she's from Boston, but has lived the last 15 years in Phoenix.) She said “You don’t know the half of it” and then she couldn’t say much more; I think she was crying. She said that her grandmother told her that for every good thing there’s a touch of bad. Such as the snow, is very very good, but it comes with the cold. And she was quiet for the rest of the walk.

Her sister was with us, and once we were in the car, Rolf drove white knuckled through the snow trying to find MetroCenter so we could drop her off before the show. We were only minutes away from the theater, but we didn’t know exactly how to get there. You know how it is in a city; you just get the address, and wing it. But this time we needed to find the subway station for Lina. It was a wild ride, everyone laughing and yelling directions, Rolf driving too fast in the snow. We finally found a metro station, and dropped Lina off, and then headed to the Warner passing the metro station we'd been looking for all along just two blocks away from the theater.

Once inside, I found that we could bring our drinks into the theatre. I didn't want to be rude, so I went back in to ask Rolf and the girls if they'd like something from the bar. I leaned over, and put my hand on Rolf's shoulder, but I lost my balance and slipped from his shoulder, to, I discovered, a stranger's knee. This hot, and very tall man was sitting behind my empty seat with his knee resting on the seat back, and my hand resting on his knee. I yanked my hand away and apologized quickly, while trying to get back to the drink order. But, I was so embarrassed, I couldn't talk. Memae says "What's this about?" And Puck says "He grabbed that guy's knee!" Memae: "Well, that's just the end." And the man's wife says "He grabbed your knee?" I just lost it. I flushed and laughed and just flopped down in my chair. And we pretty much laughed for the next three or four hours.

Thanksgiving Dinner at Mom’s was pleasant. She went all out making all the trimmings. I think that with the cancer watch still unanswered, and Joy’s pending divorce, just tinged the day with some melancholy.

All the best,

Vig

May the merry bells keep ringing, Happy Holiday's to you.

The sun is shining
The leaves are swaying
The television just started to blare

(I can hear: Rachel Ray, Rolf having a bowl of cereal,
and d'Oghy asking for a walk.)

There are birds on the lake,
beyond stubborn golden leaves.
A construction sign is partially in
view on the path leading to the bridge.

It's a new bridge, and I like to imagine that I might say:

"Yes, the new bridge we had installed in our backyard does have a mission style to it."

Ahhhh, yes

I love mornings. It's really pretty here. I can't see the lake beause we moved the couch and it blocks my view from the office, but I can see the sky and the trees. I've got to get out there and rake the leaves. Puck is coming over. I have a best friend again! Yay! She's going to spend the day with me and we're going to do projects, plus laugh our asses off too.

Rolf is still in bed. I think I tired him out last night. No one is home! We share the house with Bemmy, and with StraightJoe, and they're both GONE! Hooray! Bemmy is in Oliver at the Olney Theatre. They have houseing for their artists, so he's staying there until January 1! And StraightJoe is in Texas with his family for nine days for Thanksgiving. And, he'll be there for about two weeks in December as well. Yay! It's also possible that he'll be moved out by the end of December. He's on a short term contract; if it doesn't get extended he could be gone.

To celebrate the privacy, Rolf and I declared the house a fight free zone last night. A fact we frequently reminded each other of while we had martini's then dinner, and finaly. . . laughter, hugs, and kisses.

:)

All the best,
Vig

Brussels Sprouts and White Beans with Turkey Sausage

Brussels Sprouts and White Beans with Turkey Sausage

Thinly Slice ½ an onion and place in a dry large skillet, with some chicken seasoning salt, over extra low heat. Chop two stalks of celery and throw on top. Chop two carrots and add to the pile. Add 3 T. of olive oil and increase heat to med. high. Cook and stir vegs. to a sweat. Put sausages on top. (Turn them sausages occasionally.) Add about a cup or two of chicken stock, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer 5 minutes. Stir in a 15oz can of Cannelini Beans, drained and rinsed, cover.

Slice cleaned brussels sprouts, as if you were making tiny coleslaw. Throw it on top of the sausage-bean maripoix, salt with the chicken seasoning salt, cover and let that steam until bright green, then stir it in and continue to cook until creamy. Add a tablespoons of olive oil here too.

This dish is rated: wow!

½ Onion – I used a Vidalia

4 links sausage – I used low fat turkey-portabello from Trader Joe’s

2 stalks celery

2 carrots

Seasoning salt – I used McCormick Montreal Chicken Seasoning

Chicken Stock – Use low sodium, or omit seasoning salt, use herbs instead (thyme, sage, etc.)

1 15oz can Cannelini Beans (white beans)

Brussels Sprouts – I don’t know how much the package weighed. It was 16 large sprouts though.

EVOO

You like?

Forever, Plaid Jesus Christ: Superstar!

Life's jumbled and chaotic. Mom is sick. Tomas has to have a corneal transplant. My job is ending; I may be unemployed by spring. My partner is constantly surprised when I take every opportunity to retaliate for the trauma he's caused me. I said I'd support him as he tries to start another business; but, if he takes the stress out on me, will it be the final straw? I believe that we will be happy together again one day; does it have to be after the start-up is running (or run into the ground?) We're overjoyed at the life and home we've created; what is it going to take so that we can talk? Reservations for our Fall vacation to Italy, to celebrate our 25th anniversary, need to be made in January. I'm trying not to drink to much. I quit smoking, but have gained 10 lbs. My goal of being completely settled in the house by Thanksgiving will not be met, but we have made great progress. The revised date, by which I hope to have everything organized, painted, and decorated, is my birthday, Jan. 28. My sister's divorce should be final on December 12. There are too many people living in my house. I've promised myself that I would take the next class at Studio Theatre starting in late January, but I just found out that Reston Players are auditioning for Forever Plaid in two weeks. I wish I could lose 10 lbs by then, it makes me look younger; but with Thanksgiving coming, I doubt it is possible. I'd been planning on auditioning for Jesus Christ, Superstar in Mid-December; but as of this morning, I have changed my mind. Many plans were made before we suspected Mom's relapse. WATCH Award Nominations will be announced on Jan. 15, and the awards are on Feb. 26; we could win. Why does that scare me so? I'm on an anti-depressant, and in therapy but still depressed. I must add exercise and remove alcohol from equation.

Priorities are to fix my relationship. Be with my family and make a difference and ease the burden of Mom's illness. and then all that other stuff. yeah, and then all that stuff that's about me.

hmmm.

The CAT Scan was indecisive. The first scan, called a PET Scan, is, I gather, the perfect equipment to detect tumors of the rare type of cancer that she had last time. It's called Carcinoid.

Joy is excited that the CAT Scan was indecisive. I didn't get that read from my mom. My quick Internet search makes me think that we will find there is a tumor, perhaps it is very tiny. And that it will be of the Carcinoid type - which is very (perhaps extremely) slow growing. I am also under the impression that people live with this cancer for decades.

We may not know more for weeks. The CAT Scan and the PET Scan plates are going to be compared next. I bet they say that the Cat Scan was a waste of resources since it doesn't pick up this type of cancer.

Wait and see. . .

All the best,
Vig

Nothing much

Tuesday morning, and all is well. It turned out to be a Four Party Weekend instead of Three!

Puck and Memae's housewarming was wonderful. My international chili was received with rave reviews. I'm still working out how to reduce the liquid in it, but it is really a good recipe.

I took plenty of Plegrino along. (That is a type of sparkling mineral water, similar to Perrier.) And that's what I drank mostly, although I did have two glasses of wine toward the end of the evening.

Even before I had anything to drink, I really had a remarkably good time . I forced myself to "act as if" my social anxiety was relaxed: imagining how I would behave if I had been drinking. It could have just been the wonderfully funny people, but I found that I was laughing and talking so much more comfortably. And without the worry that I was going to make an alcohol induced fool of myself. I really thought I was having a better time because I wasn't drinking. And then I had a couple of glasses of wine anyway. . .Who'da thunk?

Sunday, I had Puck and her Mom and her friend over to brunch. It totally made up for the fiasco from Friday night, when (because Rolf and I, plus everybody else were late, and the terrible service at Annie's Paramount Steakhouse) we abandoned them at the restaurant and they missed the show. It felt like we abandoned them, anyway. . .brunch. . .fun. . . Beautiful weather. Stunning views out of my house of the park and lake . . . a delight and priveledge to have these guests in my home. . .

followed by a nap. . .

Then Rolf and I were the honored guests at a dinner party thrown by Judy, the star of Ruthless, The Musical! that I directed this year. It was just the four of us, (Judy's boyfriend (fiance?) was there, too.) I also drank mostly the Pelligrino there two, along with two glasses of wine.

I just feel so grateful that I have so many friends.

Last night, Monday, I worked toward my goal of settling into the house. (We've been there a few years, but I became so busy with theater, while we were building a storage space downstairs, so there is still a lot of painting, decorating, and organization to do. My goal was to have the house look like it could sell by Thanksgiving. I've accomplished a whole lot, but I still have to move my goal date to my birthday, Jan. 28.)

The good news is: I did not drink. I knew I was going to drink wine at the party on Saturday, but I did not overindulge.

All the best,
Vig

Bottom line post

I managed through:

Rushing to meet a crowd at Annies. . . late, theater people were later. Puck, Memae, MomP, and her friend were there on time, at 6. Timing and service disaster. . . Puck's family was abandoned at the restaurant to finish their dinner. . .(MomP and her friend were dressed to the nines for the theatre too. . .) Then to the show - and home to bed. . .

WITHOUT A DRINK! Woo-hoo! Three days sober, two parties to go!

I have to be on my anti-depressant for 12 months, that's another 9 months. I'm toying with the idea of staying away from the drinks for that period too. I've got to have some healing in my disordered head. . .it's a thought.

Quick review of the Foundry Player's Company:

It was great.  There were problems with sightlines on
the set; the stage was too close to the floor and we
couldn't see a good bit of the show because so much
took place on the floor itself.  And that my friend is
about the only critique.  Our friend Mike (in just
three months!) is now so hot we had trouble recognizing
him.  Andrea was a gem of a southern bell, and she did
the wedding singer stuff that's so high. .
beautifully.  Sam was a hoot!  His dance almost made
me fall out of my chair laughing.  (And also, he has
upped his hottness factor as well.)  But the most
wonderful thing was to see a friend nail every note,
employ every beat to her advantage, and just totally
rule, and that was Sara.  She had a total commitment;
and the talent to back it up.  She was fierce!  She
got to sing "you could drive a person crazy" and
"Another Hundred People".   (Frankly, several of the
women in the show - notably Sara, Katie McManus, and
Jill Vohr - were so good that they got me itching to
direct again.)

Basically it was high point after high
point - all connected to our Blakeman.  He was
amazing.  Conveying an "everyman" persona - with
elements of the playboy, the friend, buddy; his range
of emotion and variety of responses were endlessly
entertaining.  He completely connected with the
emotional core of his character at all times; making
our responses vary from harty laughs to a stunning
regret.  

Two days sober. . . three parties this weekend. . .

I told Bemmy that I went to AA. He could tell I was joking. I told him the story I told you yesterday. We had a good laugh.

He says I don't need it.

And after what it took for him to be 15 years sober, I'm eager to agree.

Is it ok to just say, when people are pushing drinks, that I've just been drinking so much that I'm sick of it? I'll stick to Pelligrino?

Two days sober. . . three parties this weekend. . . I need a plan.

Tonight - Company by the Foundry Players at Dupont Circle. Dinner at Annie's Paramount Steakhouse preceeding with Rolf, Mrs. Walker, and five others from Tommy: plus Puck and Memae, and MomP and her best friend. Odd mix, very odd.

Tomorrow - Rake leaves - Ball Room Lesson - Rake Leaves - Cook for Party - Housewarming Party for Puck and Memae. Social Pressure.

Sunday - Early Church Service - Rake Leaves - RUTHLESS! Video Party with Judy and the Pilot, and Rolf.

It's not just all the opportunities to drink this weekend, but also the opportunities to over eat. I really need a plan to deal with the temptations.

That's all for now.

All the best,
Vig

Daily Advice

Most people, when they feel they’re being made wrong, simply close down and get defensive.

Marred Wednesday

I went to AA! Guess what? There are drunks there.

Yeah, when I admit to being a drunk, that's not really what I mean. I mean high class alcoholic, not smelly scary drunk. I was frightened and disgusted; and I left. Just the sight of them scared me straight. (Now Appearing - One Night Only - Vig! Sober!)

What was I thinking? Well, the meeting place and the meeting itself was described as the "Peaceful Elegant Sobriety Club", so I thought I'd see other southern bells like myself (only I'm a top.) But, no. . . they hadn't washed! Ever! Everybody, and everything, had a five o'clock shadow and a cigarette. Even the walls and windows needed a shave and an ashtray.

I was pretty happy when Rolf got home. I even met him at the door with a kiss . . . aw . . . me and d'Ohgy wagging our tails. . . with no hint that I would lose my temper just five minutes later! Oh, the tumultuous life of men in love. . . and you thought it was easy. . .HA!. . .

Yeah. . .I'm making his dinner (Salad, Vegetable extravaganza from yesterday, omelets, and sauteed watercress. . . I know I know. . .it's Google's fault. You see, the watercress; he bought for the Tea we had on Sunday. And I had just read an article about cooking with Google in the Post [registration req.,] so, I was googling all the crazy stuff I had in the fridge and I found out that watercress is actually a type of food. . . Who knew?)

So. . .dinner. . .he comes in (poor boy, he has no clue what's about to happen) and says that his brother may crash at our place after the night shift at the Post. He says "You have to leave a key for him. . . and don't leave that rainbow key. ." then this turns into a diatribe with "you fucking idiot implied at every turn - only he doesn't curse. "Not the rainbow key because it sticks and you always leave people the damn rainbow key and how can you be so fucking stupid to leave the damn rainbow key and when you left the damn rainbow key for my damn sister in law they couldn't get in the house for 15 fucking minutes how could you be so stupid" or something like that. Only you have to remove all the curse words, and remember that the word "stupid" is only implied, not stated. . a lot of the other words too, then it would be more accurate, because I told him to SHUT UP before he finished.

"Shut up, and keep your damn mouth closed. Sorry about that, but obviously you talking to me just isn't going to work tonight." Bon appétit!

I set dinner out, and he picked his up and left. I looked at his back as he walked out of the room and shouted "Bye!"

Is it debatable who ruined the evening? I don't think so. If you start in on a diatribe around me, you can just stick it up your ass.

La la la - still I didn't have a drink! And I didn't pick a fight either. I got laundry done, dishes washed, the dog walked, watched a great movie, and even managed to be nice to him even though he didn't apologize. He may think we're even, maybe. . . Whatever - its the same, predictible life we love. (?) Curled up in a hammock at sunset like puppies in love one day, high- pressure silent deaththreats the next. Fun times.

Mom's test was postponed; it is today.

All the best,
Vig

The Evil Chestnuts

Mom has her test today. They are injecting her with iodine, to which she is allergic, and taking images of her chest. Then we wait.

She is feeling fine, and doesn't appear to be sick. Since she is already a cancer survivor, her doctors have been very proactive about watching for cancer. So, there is a good possiblity that they found this early. However, I am still haunted that they didn't say there was a "spot" in her chest. . .they said "a mass".

Joy, my sister, and I had our dance class last night. We are very bad at it. It's only our third week, but it's very funny. I think this could be an important time for us to support each other, so I hope we can continue. But the cost is about $350 apiece for 6 weeks. She is going to look for cheaper options; the first place she is checking is at the community college.

Well, Mom sent a word to me. Joy told me that Mom wants us to be "hopeful". I'm going to pretend. I'd rather face what I think is the truth because it presents me with the clear picture of what options I have. Being aware of how precious this time is, is much different than hoping that we still have decades left. I need to cram the decades in now.

I'm down another pound today. Yesterday, I had a boiled egg for breakfast, leftover potatoes with cottage and parmisean cheeses for lunch, and a green salad and a parsnip, brussel sprout, chestnut extravaganza for dinner. And three glasses of red wine.

I was so excited about that recipe that my disappointment was great. I'm trying to eat a vegetarian diet right now; so, I thought this would be a great main dish. But it was a 20 step process! Both the chestnuts and the sprouts had to be blanched. Then the chestnuts had to be shelled (a painstaking process) and cooked another 20 minutes. And I had two pounds of parsnips to peel and cut since I was doing a double recipe. Honestly, I started on it at 5:15 and it wasn’t done until 7:30; then it looked so gross that I didn't have any before dance class.

When I got home, I improvised a Marsala sauce to make it less pasty, but it didn’t work. Many of the chestnuts dissolved and turned into this chestnut butter paste that coated everything. What do I know of chestnuts?! Not much. I’ve never had them before. Well, it’s edible. Not what I’d call a successful investment of two hours work. The big problem with the recipe is that it is mainly a parsnip recipe with some other stuff thrown in for color and texture. It’s just wrong. But now that I know chestnuts, I’ll try them with just brussels sprouts.

Lalalalala what else? Oh yesterday was therapy Tuesday. We talked mostly about my drinking, and how I can’t determine if my anti-depressant is working well enough (or not) until I stop. Yeah. Thinking about AA, bible study, meditation, and prayer. . . those are “either/or” options. . . I’m already back in church . . . I want to avoid AA because I’m not a quitter! . . . so, I’m thinking of involving myself more in spiritual study at church rather than much the same thing at AA. (Yeah, I know: "Good luck with that". . . ok ok)

My standards are so low right now that I counted waiting until 6:30 for a drink to be a success. (I blame the chestnuts.) And I didn’t drink the whole bottle of wine: another success. . .?

All the best,
Vig

Disorder

You know I haven't had a cigarette since August 13th? Before that I was drinking and smoking. Now, at least, I'm just drinking. I had about 5 yesterday. Two vodka and soda's, and three vodka and cranberry. . . did I have red wine too? I think I did.

What the heck is that about? It's expensive and high in calories. Plus, I'm on an anti-depressant; so the alcohol is dangerous to my liver and also counteracts against the antidepressant. My doctor said that I should cut back on my drinking, I don't have to cut it out: however, I'm not supposed to drink more than 1-3 drinks, and not every day!

I drink when I'm bored, when I'm frustrated, when I'm worried, when I have to *sparkle* (unless it is on stage). . .

Mom has further tests tomorrow to look at the mass they found in her chest. I expect it is cancer again, but I hope it isn't. I'm glad my sister and I are taking a dance class together right now. I wish we could afford to continue doing it, especially if Mom is sick. It would be a nice distraction for us, as well as a dedicated time where we can support each other.

Even though I drank as much as I did yesterday, there was a small miracle none-the-less. Yesterday - eating only a boiled egg for breakfast, a huge green salad with herbs for lunch, and mustard greens and potatoes with turkey chorizo sausage cooked in homemade chicken broth for dinner - I lost two pounds! How did that happen?

Yay me!

Our hymn of grateful praise

We had a fun time with Puck’s mom Friday. Rolf told the phone story again. (You don’t know it yet, but you will!) Mom C. laughed so hard, I bet she peed. This time, Memae sent home a care package that gave us leftovers for several days. And not just leftover pork tenderloin with sauerkraut either; there were roasted potatoes, and peas, and for good measure, all the uncooked leftover potatoes too. Rolf and I laughed hard when we found them in the bag. When we saw Puck and Memae again on Sunday, she tried to send home the flowers she picked up at Eastern Market. She was hugging me goodbye and insisting that I take the flowers because “You boys didn’t buy anything at the market and you always like fresh flowers.” When she asked why I wouldn’t take them, I laughed, hugged her, and whispered in her ear: “because you’re just a little bit crazy.”

Saturday – Joy was late to our ballroom dance class. She really missed most of it. It turned out that she had been talking to Mom, who confessed that the doctors suspect that she, again, has cancer. I was stoic when I found out. For a moment.

Rolf and I were having guests for a veddy civilized tea in the afternoon. I stopped by the gourmet store for some cookies on my way home, and cried the whole time I was shopping. Not sobbing, so nobody noticed, but if anyone asked what was wrong, I would have lost it.

Before the “tea” (which is just absurd, but still great fun) we toured the Southern Accents “Old Dominion” Design House in Mclean, where we met Tomas, and some other friends. Then they came back for our low tea. Yes, we really did. And this was Rolf’s doing. Rolf resembles a linebacker more than a prince, so it was really odd, but it was in honor of the royals visiting DC at the time. It really was fun and easy. Remarkably, for all the fuss we put into making bite-sized, crust less sandwiches; the actual tea party was not fussy at all. It was nice to just sit on the couches and talk while nibbling sandwiches and scones, and sipping hot tea.

Afterward, we went to a basket auction fundraiser, and then stopped for a quick beer with some friends. And then I made a late dinner, using that leftover pork and sauerkraut that Memae had sent home. I turned it into Reuben's with gruyere and roasted red peppers. Oh my god it was good!

I had to be at church Sunday at 8:30. We sang the Wm. Dawson arrangement of “Soon-Ah Will Be Done” again. I had such a good time singing it a few weeks ago (at a different service) that I asked Rolf to come when we did it again. And yesterday was the day. He had said he’d come, but as I left for church, he was still in bed and totally non-responsive. I didn’t think he was coming.

Hymns can always make me cry, especially so if I’m worried about my Mom. So, I was pretty weepy during the service. Then while were gearing up for the big finish of “Soon-Ah Will Be Done,” I see Rolf looking over his shoulder at me, while sitting in a pew just a few rows away from the choir. It was so unexpected that I got choked up. Even though I looked away as quickly as I could, and struggled for a big breath, it was too late. I managed to sing most of the notes, but my throat was so constricted that I couldn’t get any power. I gave him such a pinch.

Sunday was beautiful! We’re having an Indian summer. It was bright, warm and breezy, with golden leaves falling like snow. We had lunch out side at Mr. Henry’s with Puck and Memae, and then we went off to tour the Eastern Market. Upon returning home, Rolf and I both walked into the sunroom to let d’Ohgy out and were absolutely stunned at the view of the crimson and gold forest, streams of sunlight, falling leaves, and the sparkling lake beyond.

If you had been one of the dozens of people walking around the lake at sunset, on the path beyond our gate; you would have seen these two boys curled up and asleep in the hammock, while the wind tickled the leaves until they floated to the ground.

It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

Reviewing my weight this year: on 4/26, I weighed 180: on 7/25, 173: on 11/07, 185. Oops. With no show, I’m drinking a bottle of wine or 3 to 4 vodka cocktails every night. Even though my schedule is much more open without a show, I am still not exercising other than the occasional stroll to the marina. Depression still has a strong hold on me. The Wellbutrin is as effective as it can be if I continue to drink and not exercise. I’m making a commitment now to drink less, move more, and lose weight.

I am thankful that Mom has been cancer free for three years.
I am thankful that, if she has cancer now, they found it early.
I am thankful for being cigarette free for three months.
I am thankful for the beautiful fall weekend.
I am thankful for loving times with my man.
I am thankful the hammock didn’t break.

All the best,
Vig

Saturday - Visited Parents. Then went to Kings Dominion Fright Night - beautiful weather, but very crowded. I actually enjoyed spending time with my niece and her husband. Rolf doesn't like roller coasters . . . at all. . .

Sunday - rearranged home office. . . Resultinging crap litters the sun room all week.

Monday - Nephew Russ for dinner. . .new pub table stool breaks. . .

Tuesday - Ball Room Dance Class w/ sister . . . ride to and from class in her new convertable. (I am so jealous. . .)

Wednesday - Jim Van Slyke CD Release Party. . . what a wonderful performer! Get your CD now! (Hot night. . .between the sheets..)

Thursday - Choir Practice

Friday - Dinner with the Puck and Memae, and Puck's mom!

Saturday - Ball Room Dance Class, Southern Living Design Showcase, Entertain 4 guests at home, Fundraising auction for MCC Nova.

Sunday - REST.