Wednesday, September 28, 2005

And the award goes to. . .

DOMINION STAGE'S PRODUCTION OF RUTHLESS, THE MUSICAL!
SWEEPS MUSICAL CATEGORIES OF 2005 ACT AWARDS!

(Yay me!)

It was so fun to get together with all my people again. Three of the leads performed at the ACT Award Ceremony on Sunday. We had rehearsal on Saturday and it made me cry. These people are so wonderful.

We won eight awards! They are:


Best Make-Up Design
Best Costume Design
Judge's Discretionary Awards for:
- Hair/Wig Design
- Portraits
Best Actress in a Musical (lead)
Best Actor in a Musical (lead)
Best Director of a Musical
Outstanding Production of a Musical.

I gave a good acceptance speech too. I wish it was taped so I could tell you what I said, but I winged it. I had written an acceptance speach called "Beginner's Luck", that was such a bunch of crap that I threw it out. I mean, really, it ended with the line: "Thank you to the ACT Award Committee for adding to the list of things that make me feel like the luckiest man alive." Gag.

So I said something along the lines of:

Oh I was so afraid of this. Giving an acceptance speach is like the penalty for winning. I read this week, someone said, "I know my mouth will hold a size 9 shoe, because my foot has been in there so often." And I can really relate, so I hope it's funny, wish me luck, here goes. . .

THIS WAS MY FIRST SHOW! It was an amazing experience working with so many wonderful people. .


And I went on and on thanking people, I got three laugh lines in, one applause break too. Then I ended saying that it took over 50 amazing people to put on a 6 person show.
"I share this with you. Thank you."

And there was applause, hugs and kisses.

And cosmopolitans. Lots of cosmopolitans.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

And now there are six.

The ACT Awards are this Sunday, yet I’m still in a psychologically odd place. Yes, I’m excited. I also dread it. I dread winning and I dread losing. I dread winning because I know I don’t deserve it, I dread losing because I don’t want anyone to agree with me. (Why should that make me cry?) If I win, how can I stand at a microphone and say just how much I appreciate the dozens of people who made the show possible? And if I lose? How can I face the people who will say I should have won, when it’s ok with me because it’s just proof that I’m worthless . . .? (I almost wrote Ruthless there instead. Freudian of me?)

This is continuing depression. It shouldn’t be this way. I’m in counseling, I’m taking the drugs, and I even went to church on Sunday. I’ve also been very proactive about my house, getting painting done, and starting a major organization project. So, I’m still drinking like a fish, and I’m not working out as I should, but what the fuck? So what!


Since Tommy closed on August 13 (Oh by the way, I haven’t had a cigarette since then!) I’ve been trying to cram as much Sun and Water into the remaining weeks of summer. In addition to a weekend at the farmhouse in Milton, DE, and trips to the beach in Rehoboth, (I still can’t believe that I sat in a kayak among a super pod of dolphins!) we had a glorious week in Provincetown. Oh, what a wonderful week. Sun and water and nudity all together! My favorite sight in the world is a naked man walking out of the sea.

Still, I’ve got this anger in me. Rolf and I had a major fight one night on Commercial Street as the bars were closing. I was drunk, and he was hurtful, and I just blew up and then ran away. What a fool I made of myself. We sat in the tidal pool in the salt marsh the next day. I didn’t want to be near him, but he is the one I love regardless, and he wanted me there. We had a nice talk where he apologized and accepted responsibility for my depression and alcohol abuse, because he has beat me down and ruined me over the last 24 years. I honestly think that he thinks that apologizing fixes something. But I’ve really had it, and I’m not going to even attempt to stop being angry until he goes to therapy and starts working on his compulsions.

But I’m not just angry at him. I nearly forced someone off the road with my car this morning because he wasn’t letting me merge in time to reach my exit. And then there’s my family. I’m angry at my niece because I hate the man she married. (I’ll be calling him “ButtCrack”, by the way, because I’ve seen it way too often.) He has a confederate flag tattooed on his shoulder for God sake. And I’m mad at my sister because she lectured me about getting along with “ButtCrack”, after I said I didn’t like him so I wouldn’t be going camping with her family nor would I stay in any room with him when he starts putting his wife down. I avoided him completely on Saturday when I went whitewater rafting with them.

So we’ve got all those people I’m mad at, plus I’m also mad at grocery stores. I’m just this far away from smashing a bottle of spaghetti sauce on the floor the next time they don’t have the kind of pasta I want.

And now there are six. And I’m mad at them too. The six are all the people living in my house, including me. There’s me and Rolf, plus B. Emmy, who rents space downstairs. We’re the permanent residents, although B. Emmy could always go on tour or something, there’s nothing planned right now. Additionally, we have a guest who has been staying with us since April – Straight Man Joe, or SMJ for short. He’s been away for a couple of months visiting his family, but as of Sunday he’s back. And also one of my best friends and her partner arrived on Sunday too. They have taken what we had been calling “the auxiliary guestroom”.

Now, I want them to live with us. But if I don’t get to wring somebody’s neck soon I’m just going to burst. (The neck I most want to wring is that of the MFH – Mother From Hell – of the young star of my show. But I’ll get to that.)

I’ve been expecting the girls since May. It seems like much longer. Puck is one of my very best friends. She went to high school with me and B.Emmy, and she and a girlfriend lived with Rolf and me in our first apartment. I love her. Still, I want to wring somebody’s neck and she’ll do. Officially, they are here in an attempt to find an apartment prior to their relocation from Phoenix back to DC. But they have found that they can’t find an apartment to move into less than two weeks from now. So, they would like to stay with us for a month, for October. I’m sure Rolf will be ok with it, mostly. B.Emmy is ok with it. I’m worried about SMJ, and I hope he won’t leave because we like him. Frankly, we like these people, and that they pay us rent is almost beside the point, except we seem to be living beyond our means, and the money really helps. (I haven’t talked to either Rolf or SMJ about this yet.)

Puck can be difficult because she gets me wrapped up in her agendas. For example, they may need a co-signer to get a lease. When they asked me I said “I don’t see a problem with that.” That’s a maybe – probably statement, right? Well, she told Rolf that I said “Yes.” I didn’t correct her. Because I’m afraid to discuss the possibility that I wouldn’t do it if the risk is not limited. I am afraid of my friend. That’s not good.

On the other hand, I think she is cool. I mean, I think she is one of the cool kids, you know? She is so funny you could not believe. And she has a preternatural ability to arrange furniture and organize objects. I really mean to say that she’s got this amazing talent, and she can build stuff too. Obviously, I tend to look at everybody and think “You drive me nuts,” and they all do, so that’s beside the point. With her, no matter what others think of her, or will or won’t put up with, for me it is a privilege to be her friend.

And you know what, for all the times I feel like a puppy adoringly following a playmate, sometimes? Sometimes, I think she’s the one who’s adoringly following me. Of course, I can’t comprehend that because we all know I’m a worthless piece of shit.

So, with just a little trepidation, I’m really excited because I think they’re going to stay with us for a month! And they said they’d fix stuff and pay us besides!

My basement is such a horror right now. I’ve been unpacking boxes, and piling like items all around the walls. I’ve also got to unpack the new storage room because we just built it around other boxes. Now we’ve got to reduce the amount of things to store, and develop a plan to store them. Honestly, I think that having Puck here to help is a gift from God. I hope is all works!

Sun and water – since Tommy closed on the 13th of August, I’ve done my best to make the most of the waning days of summer. I’m taking tomorrow (Wednesday) off from work to spend the day with Puck and Lori in some sun and water. They go home on Thursday, the first day of autumn.

Autumn. It’s time to write an acceptance speech, which I may not get to use, and to borrow a tuxedo.

I am not worthy.

Friday, September 09, 2005

P-Town

I'm back from a wonderful vacation in Provincetown. The weather was beautiful, the men were hot, and the shows were a hoot. Best of all was turning off the news.

Now that I'm back, how can I help? How can I work to help the musicians and artistic culture of New Orleans?