my life is not working; and it's all my fault.

rolf is a great guy
works too much
but still,
he cleaned my mom's kitchen
and i hate my job

i live on a lake
the windows are clouded

rolf wants to write
i want to live an artists life
sing, dance, act, paint, cook, garden
sweeten

i'm drinking myself to death

well - it helped to write a bit.

i worked out the business with the theatre group.

i'll finish that tomorrow and start paying the bills for my show.

i was stuck in traffic on the way home

not good because I was pet sitting Stella

such a good girl

so funny

she likes to watch TV

and she shakes and shivers in excitement when there's a dog on

she's a little thing, a West Highland Terrior

and she stands and bounces on her hind legs

barking at the dogs on tv.

so, i was hurrying home when R. called.

car trouble, dead battery.

let the dog out, found the jumper cables, went to help him . . .

whatever. he hardly talked to me while we were jumping his car

he sat in his car texting someone.

whatever. then we got home

i picked up take-away food

he was fun.

i was on my way to getting drunk.

later there was some hugs & kisses too!

ah.

blah blah blah

just sittin'

for days.

brain dead.

work is slow slow slow

i'm not keeping up with anything

hardly

got to get a move on

need to get engaged

generate some excitement

work and play harder

drink less.

trying to quit smoking

last three weeks, average one a day.

dog sitting this week

her name is Stella.

we miss our Bailey terribly.

R. is doing some stupid stuff career wise

he's going into business for himself

i don't want to stand in his way -

but - and i'm not standing in his way

but - it is scary

and he is not fun.

my folks are ok.

the show I directed was ok

under attended.

my gp wants to talk to me about my drinking.

that's friday.

whoopee.

later.

V.