The Evil Chestnuts

Mom has her test today. They are injecting her with iodine, to which she is allergic, and taking images of her chest. Then we wait.

She is feeling fine, and doesn't appear to be sick. Since she is already a cancer survivor, her doctors have been very proactive about watching for cancer. So, there is a good possiblity that they found this early. However, I am still haunted that they didn't say there was a "spot" in her chest. . .they said "a mass".

Joy, my sister, and I had our dance class last night. We are very bad at it. It's only our third week, but it's very funny. I think this could be an important time for us to support each other, so I hope we can continue. But the cost is about $350 apiece for 6 weeks. She is going to look for cheaper options; the first place she is checking is at the community college.

Well, Mom sent a word to me. Joy told me that Mom wants us to be "hopeful". I'm going to pretend. I'd rather face what I think is the truth because it presents me with the clear picture of what options I have. Being aware of how precious this time is, is much different than hoping that we still have decades left. I need to cram the decades in now.

I'm down another pound today. Yesterday, I had a boiled egg for breakfast, leftover potatoes with cottage and parmisean cheeses for lunch, and a green salad and a parsnip, brussel sprout, chestnut extravaganza for dinner. And three glasses of red wine.

I was so excited about that recipe that my disappointment was great. I'm trying to eat a vegetarian diet right now; so, I thought this would be a great main dish. But it was a 20 step process! Both the chestnuts and the sprouts had to be blanched. Then the chestnuts had to be shelled (a painstaking process) and cooked another 20 minutes. And I had two pounds of parsnips to peel and cut since I was doing a double recipe. Honestly, I started on it at 5:15 and it wasn’t done until 7:30; then it looked so gross that I didn't have any before dance class.

When I got home, I improvised a Marsala sauce to make it less pasty, but it didn’t work. Many of the chestnuts dissolved and turned into this chestnut butter paste that coated everything. What do I know of chestnuts?! Not much. I’ve never had them before. Well, it’s edible. Not what I’d call a successful investment of two hours work. The big problem with the recipe is that it is mainly a parsnip recipe with some other stuff thrown in for color and texture. It’s just wrong. But now that I know chestnuts, I’ll try them with just brussels sprouts.

Lalalalala what else? Oh yesterday was therapy Tuesday. We talked mostly about my drinking, and how I can’t determine if my anti-depressant is working well enough (or not) until I stop. Yeah. Thinking about AA, bible study, meditation, and prayer. . . those are “either/or” options. . . I’m already back in church . . . I want to avoid AA because I’m not a quitter! . . . so, I’m thinking of involving myself more in spiritual study at church rather than much the same thing at AA. (Yeah, I know: "Good luck with that". . . ok ok)

My standards are so low right now that I counted waiting until 6:30 for a drink to be a success. (I blame the chestnuts.) And I didn’t drink the whole bottle of wine: another success. . .?

All the best,
Vig