7PM

“Welcome to the Sixth Annual Washington Area Theatre Community Honors Awards! You are sitting with over 400 hundred of the finest actors and directors representing over 25 local community theaters. And now please welcome [C.D.] and the cast of Reston Community Player’s Best Musical nominee Beauty and the Beast singing “Be Our Guest.”

It all goes so fast, especially since I’ve got to review the blocking with Li’l Tommy. I’m panicked, hungry, and I really need to go to the loo; but mostly I need to work with Li’l Tommy before we go up for our number. We are the third song on the program.

By the end of the opening remarks I’ve inhaled the cobb salad, made my Stage Manager and BubblyAcctress (whose getting a divorce). . . made them get up so I could slide my tuxedoed butt across the chairs, then kneel next to Mrs. Walker and ask her for the pitch pipe. As she searched for it, (and while I counted the seconds until I could get to the loo), we make our plan to get back to the green room with Li’l Tommy immediately after the second musical presentation to mic up and review the blocking. Li’l Tommy’s award category was going to be at that same moment, so I asked his mom to bring him back to the green room immediately afterward. All while the introduction of the presenters are going on, each time I stand up, I’m blocking somebody’s view.

Finally, I race off to the loo, pausing at the back of the hall to see who wins the first award (for choreography), which was a mistake because I had to go to the bathroom so bad that I was nearly cramping . . . and I let out a loud ripping fart. Not that anybody noticed, well, except for hot Uncle Ernie from *Tommy* who had stopped just behind me. Yeah. Fun times.