Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off to Work We Go

So much work today, and yet I am totally distracted and obsessed with all things The Last Five Years. It's a typical hell week. We open on Friday, and I can't wait. And I am scared, and excited, and can't go five minutes without checking a lyric. It's hard to get anything done!

The weekend was good. There was something bad on Friday though, with me and Rolf and my drinking. I slept in the guest room on Friday night. And on Saturday morning, I remembered how mad I was at him - but I couldn't remember why! I am very upset about that.

He was still mad at me when he woke up, so it was difficult to get him to sit on the couch with me so we could talk. I was crying when I told him. And when he got angry in the retelling of the tale, I remembered then . . . but until he reminded me, I really really couldn't remember what it was.

We talked for a long time. He said that he thinks AA is bullshit. That alcoholism is not a disease, it's a symptom of depression, low self-esteem - both stemming from childhood abuse, and exacerbated by my job performance. I really need to get over this crap. And get a new job!

I asked him if I really was that bad - that dramatic. He said "Not outwardly, but I can see it all the drama that goes on in your head." And he's right of course.

So, drink less, get a new job, contact my family regularly, stop isolating myself and beating myself up all the time . . . now.

I'm going to get a new job.

All the best,
Vig