I Could Never Rescue You; All You Ever Wanted

God I wanted a drink last night. I haven't been drunk or had a drink since last Wednesday. I just want to make it until opening night - just a little break at least.

"Just a glass of wine with dinner" I argued with myself. And then I pictured myself having the glass of wine . . . and a shot of vodka as I ran out the door, and I said "No."

I have lost control. Have a drink before rehearsal? Do I want to destroy absolutely everyone's opinion of me? It's bad enough that I've been snubbed by Bemmy and Sonny. And I have been thinking of other people I never hear from; how many of those are because I get so drunk? Then there are the others I ignore, because I'd rather have been at home nursing a bottle.

Well. I am in a show that just a gift from God. The Last Five Years is so fantastically written, J. and I are going to be great in it. And now that we have BJ on the piano, who's Julliard trained; well, it's just going to be a fantasy come true. Fifty-seat theatre, just me and J. on stage, fantastic music, lights, sets, costumes, dancing, laughing, crying, kissing. Applause.

Hooray. Hooray!

Opening October 26th! The same day I could get my 30 day AA chip.

It will be a great day.

And then I'll have a martini.

Probably. Maybe.