Make of Our Lives One Life

Our first rehearsal with BJ and his dog, Spencer, was amazing. He immedialty understands and expresses what the composer is saying with his beautiful and exciting piano. This is going to be a great show.

I was a bit shy for the rehearsal. It wasn't really the time for much talking, anyway. But I kept feeling like if I'd had one drink I wouldn't feel so socially awkward. And that if I'd had one drink, I'd totally have disrespected the honor of singing with these people. The thought was like a rolling massage ball that I squeezed and rolled around my hand. But, I wouldn't have had one drink, at least my one drink equals three for anyone else. And I just felt so grateful and ashamed.

But then we made it through the show, and even the number I felt I didn't have on it's feet yet, "A Miracle Would Happen" - well, it felt pretty good! Very good.

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This weekend is our 26th Anniversary. It feels like yesterday, we were celebrating in Italy. The torment of the trip being delayed at the last minute . . . well, that doesn't even cross my mind. It sure has been a good year. The joy that trip brings me on such a frequent basis, the memories that come back, the sense that I'm looking at a beloved everytime a famous scene of Venice, Florence, Sorrento, or Rome comes up in an advertisement or movie . . . it's beyond all expectations.

And being with Rolf for those twelve days, everyday, every moment . . . has made me just want to be with him more. Right now, with his new position stressing him out, and The Last Five Years taking up all of my time, we're hardly seeing each other and hardly speaking to each other. It's like we're civil to each other, but we're not lovers or even in love. But, that's just on the surface. Beneath the surface, I am madly in love him, and I can't wait to hold his hand and spend hours and hours and days and weeks, looking into his blue eyes and swimming in his beautiful smile.