Don't cry for me, next door neighbour

Not good. This is not good. What did I do? Oy. My aching head. Why did I do that?

Tuesday, with a hangover. Monday evening - Vodka martini (in a go cup), one glass of white wine with dinner, and then the power drinking began. Vodka, neat. Not "neat neato cool", just straight in a glass. I remember looking at the clock and thinking, it's only 8:15!? Wow! More time for drinking! And I finished off the bottle. Then I found my flask. And I hid it too. So, when I came upstairs much later, knowing I'd overdone it - Rolf says "Are you drunk?" "What did you drink after dinner?"

He'd been finishing up some work after dinner. I watered the garden, walked the dog, watched Sting on TiVo, looked for some music for my voice lesson tonight. (Oh, my god, I hope I'm feeling better by then!)

We had a wonderful evening. I did, he had half a wonderful evening because he had more work to do. A great old friend had dropped by, and we went out to dinner to a new and wonderful local restaurant. Then I poured myself about three fingers of vodka upon the return, watered the front garden, brought the dog out, got another vodka finishing the bottle, chatted with a neighbor about the lake, his dog "Belle" and how loud our tree was when it went down last year, watered the side garden. . . that's when I noticed it was only about 8:15. So, "Yay" I can have another drink! Why? I ask that my self. I searched the house for my flask from the beach, and popped it open while watering the back-yard - hiding behind a tree so Rolf wouldn't see me.

Then I took the dog for a walk, popped the flask open again before we walked out the front gate. And again when we got back. And again while I watched TiVo, worked on some laundry . . . I can't believe I drank the whole thing. Nine ounces in "cocktails", plus six ounces of wine, and I think I emptied the six ounce flask; f-ck. Twenty-one ounces - equal to fourteen "shots" and a glass of wine.

I can't believe I did that. Can I ever be in control? As far as Weight Watchers is concerned, that's 19 points in booze calories (1466 Calories!) Add that to the 21 points for the garlic bread alone with dinner, I busted my diet plan by 28 points for the day. And I didn't have any left over points either. I used them on Saturday.

I have nothing to be ashamed of at least. I didn't do or say anything unsafe or stupid. I'm glad about that. I didn't break the law. But I am really so disgusted with myself right now. Disgusted, but thank G-d, not ashamed.

I think I'll go to AA for lunch today. It's an open meeting. They allow drinkers in.

Control or quit or die, those are my options. My doctor said so.

He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink
He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the best times
(Don't cry for me, next door neighbour)