The Lady or the Tiger: Which Did She Choose?

Originally, tonight's party was just for gays and girls. Rolf was going to be away, besides, except for liking to have sex with me, he would hardly qualify as being gay. Really! You should See the way he dresses! (Just teasing!) But, he canceled his trip, and well, I guess he'll be there. This proposal he's working on has one deadline after another. He's not even sure he'll get home!

Leta is bringing her husband, so there will be one real straight man there. This is going to be an odd party.

But the food will be good; I've been cooking it all week. The centerpiece is going to be what you might call Antipasti de Casa. Does that translate to appetizer of the house? I've grilled zucchini, and marinated that in my own tomato balsamic jam, and I've grilled eggplant, assorted peppers, tindori squash, and asparagus -they are all marinating in herbed vinaigrette. There are several loaves of a wonderful kalamata olive Parmesan bread, lots of olives, several cheeses, including Gruyere and Emmenthaler, they're my current favorites. There are also chips and dips. I'm making a salad, and grilling chicken breasts and thighs, that are currently marinating in a sun-dried tomato pesto (from a jar.)

My guest "of honor" is not a very close friend, but we've had some good times together. She directed me when I starred in The Apple Tree, and actually performed in the third act of it as Passionella, to my "neighborhood T.V. fairy-godmother." I wore high heels, a dress made out of an old tie-dyed bed sheet, Dame Edna glasses. . . It was a long time ago.

So, Ella, who doesn't live around here anymore, has come back for a vacation, and for her son to spend some time with his dad. Since we have lot's of mutual friends, I thought there were all these people who would love to see her besides me, and coincidentally, I'd love to see a lot of those people myself; so I'm throwing her a dinner party.

And Tomas is coming after all. He has been aloof and non-committal lately. It's hard to say that I know why when I'm surmising so much, but I'll say it anyway: We did not talk to him about canceling our joint vacation to Provincetown.

He's been unemployed since November. Once Sonny had to pull out of the trip, it was obvious to us that we'd have to cover both Sonny's portion as well as Tomas' part. They were going to drive up so Tomas wouldn't have transportation expense. We already know that Tomas has been getting loans from friends to help him out, most importantly, to pay his mortgage. So, there is no way he can afford to go. But we didn't talk to him about it.

I'll tell you why. He stayed with us for about 9 months not too long ago. It was supposed to be for about two months while he worked on renting or purchasing his own place. I can't say it was through no fault of his own, but he tried to buy two places and the process for both was such a mess that it looked like he was never going to get out.

So, after six months, I said to him: "Have you given some thought to paying us rent?" Boy that made him mad. I was mad myself. Heck, after six months of living there for free, including my cooking and feeding him, and driving him to work every day; Rolf and I were insulted that he didn't bring it up himself.

He snapped at me! I still can't believe his attitude or tone. But what he said was just so odd:

"Well! I really think that's something for you and Rolf to decide!"

There's no way I can get the weirdness of the moment down. We were at a stop light, on the way to his office. . . it was just weird. Even though my adrieline matched his within a heart-beat, I just calmly said "We'd like you to pay $300 rent per month beginning immediatley."

Now, he and Sonny have always been very close, perhaps more so since Sonny contributed so much to the renovation of Tomas condominium. (I must say, it was a delightful surprise that Rolf and I were their choice of people to share the wonderful vacation in Provincetown with them. ) Also, Sonny and Tomas worship and sing in their choir together, so they see each other no less than twice a week. Sonny is his transportation for everything too.

That said, Tomas must have found out that Sonny was going to Finland before we did. We didn't know what to do, and we didn't get back to Sonny for a whole week. At first it was because it needed to be a joint decision with Tomas - but he never called us. Why not? Why would he want us to contact him? Or did he, does he think that we should have treated him to a vacation because he doesn't have a job and we do?

I really don't know. But, I feel that I have to set aside that contempt. Bottom line: my friend who is having major health problems requiring a corneal transplant, plus morbid obesity issues, is dead broke. After all that drama/trauma to get into his own home, I'm afraid he's going to lose it.

Oh, then there's the issue of him being a supreme bitch, and not only are we not treating him to a vacation we can ill afford, but we're also kicking Bemmy out. I think he's really pissed, but he's not saying anything.

There's a lot for me to sort out. These few words don't do justice to the situation.

When Sonny and I ran into him at the Playbill last week, it had been over a month since I'd seen him. I am so desperatly worried about him, that it was just wonderful to see that he appears to be fine. (I know better, but at least he's holding up well.) Still, I remain firmly convinced that any financial help he needs now, well, it just isn't any of my business. After having him live with us for 9 months, and having so very many other people rely on us and take advantage of us; I am limiting that kind of bear your burdens support to Rolf and our families.

They say that we gay people make our own families. But now, as far as I'm concerned, when it comes to dollars or living with me, it's the families given to Rolf and me, only those will receive that kind of charity. The ones who glom onto us and say: You're my family, I looove you, adore you, can I stay with you, will you buy me dinner? Yeah. Not-so-much.

Mostly.

I have to pick him up at the metro, and get him home after the party.

oy.