That Wedding Day

I love Rolf. We resort to near violence and torture sometimes. . . but I love him. A couple of months ago I treated him like absolute trash because he kept getting his hair cut in a way that I hated. I tried for a year to get him to stop having it cut so short. It made him look fat and old. So one Saturday morning:

Me: “What are you doing today?”
He: “Well, I have to leave to get my haircut at. . .”
Me: “FUCK YOU – JUST FUCK YOU – AND YOUR FUCKING UGLY HAIR – YOU PISS ME OFF”

Boy oh boy did *that* cause some problems. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. Except . . .

So now, I love his hair. He looks so much younger and thinner just because it’s not practically shaved on top. He hates it. Maybe he doesn’t. But the first time I noticed and said how handsome he was and that his hair even looked good he said:

“Oh yeah, well fuck you”.

And yet, he’s really cute … And generally a good guy. Life ain’t easy, we’re trying the best we can to make it easier for each other; it’s just sometimes . . . we’re not so good at it.

He got to Kay’s wedding a few weeks ago, about an hour early as I was finishing up the wedding cake. He looked so good. I was still wearing shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt; he was in his wedding-wear, and carrying my clothes too. I was so proud of the way the cake had turned out and so happy to see him. And we had this look of love between us, right then, that smile of his, nice hair cut –his blue eyes - just sparkling. How can we love each other that intensely and still get it so wrong? Oh, well – it’s being there in the end that counts.

I was so excited to show him the wedding cake. No one was going to believe that we made it so fast! The original had fallen over. Overnight I made multiple layer cakes and brought them to the church after stopping by a cake decorating store where I picked up white roses, lavender violets, and pale green leaves that were all made out of icing. Kay had made a centerpiece for the cake, out of modeling clay, of a groom in a wheel chair, with the bride in his lap. Clark’s step-sister, Cindy, and step-mother, Billie, helped me get it assembled and iced. I did a good bit of icing the cake, but Cindy did all the piping and she was really fast. Then she went off to put together a chocolate fountain (Oh My God! Good!) and I assembled and decorated the cake with all the flowers.

It turned out so good. Not only was I so proud, but so was Rolf. He’d had a part in this rescue too; so we were both so happy as hurried to the sanctuary, finding we were among the first ten people to arrive. It’s the First Baptist Church of Washington, by the way, (near Dupont.) Presidents Clinton and Carter worshiped there. Although it is Baptist, it looks like an Episcopalian Cathedral. Stained glass windows, lots of cobalt, big stone work, intricate wood work, kinda makes you feel that this is a place God would like very much. And it seems to be a liberal Baptist church, and now that I’ve sung there, I want to go back

So, we’re sitting there, Rolf and I, so thankful for the air conditioning . . . we’re just enjoying the space, and I’m really enjoying Rolf, I just cannot tell you how cute he looked. Only now, I have to watch what I say because of the whole hair incident. I can’t say: you look so nice, and your hair looks so good. . . because well, I can’t mention the hair. So, like a couple of school girls, I’m smiling at him, thinking dirty thoughts, and he says: “What?” and I say “Nothing, cutie . . .”

As the church started to fill, and get loud, the organist played beautiful preludes, followed by two trumpeters who played several numbers that Kay arranged. But behind me, all I heard was:

“Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little
Cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more”

Only, I swear, they were complaining that Cirque du Soleil costumes looked like they were designed by Dr. Seuss. They were four women, adapting two pews to look like a coffee klatch.

I turned around and gently put my hand on a knee draped in a beautiful white satin cocktail dress. As she looked over, the others' gazes followed. I smiled and said “Isn’t this lovely music?” And this big Suzanne Sugerbaker woman was SO HAPPY I wanted to join their conversation that she practically shouted “Why yes it . . .” before she realized I was telling her to shut the hell up.

And there was peace. Ah. Rolf took my hand and winked at me. “Cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more” Oy, my head. But they quieted down, and the music was lovely. Gorgeous.

I wondered what people thought when Clark escorted his mother to her seat. How many didn’t even know that he was handicapped, much less trapped in a gnarled body. There was no escaping his smile though. To some that would be the only proof that there was a beautiful person there.

“Come to me, bend to me, kiss me good day!” sang the tenor, entering from the side and walking through the sanctuary as he sang a gorgeous ballad from Brigadoon. He was very uncomfortable, but good. After the groom and groomsmen entered, the soprano entered from down right and sang the Alyson Kraus song “When You Say Nothin’ at All”. Only Clark, who is on the podium in his wheelchair – can’t say anything, or not much. The singer is an actress who Kay has directed to play this as a scene from a musical, not a wedding. She sings as a love struck young woman, often directly to Clark: “You say it best, when you say nothing at all . . .” When it was over, she giggled and skipped down the isle and out of the church. Talk about laughter through tears, my lord!

I had started crying 20 minutes before the service started. Rolf cried too. You see, I don’t understand this marriage. Even though she’ll be 59 this September, and has never had a boyfriend, it’s hard for me to see her with him.

Knowing Clark a bit now, he is the one that I am most happy for. The loneliness of cerebral palsy, is devastating. He is so lucky to have found her. His life is going to be so much better now. And, he loves her, and that’s all she has ever wanted. She had never had a man tell her that he loved her. I don't know how she saw through the bars of his prison, to find she loved the brilliant man wrongly imprisoned. So, I don't understand this marraige, but I am very happy for them. So: I was crying . . . a lot.

And when Kay entered on old George's arm, she was the happiest bride I've ever seen. There were some prescriptions involved, so she looked a little like a plastered Barbie doll, being kept from floating like a Thanksgiving Day Balloon by George's strong hand. She's a crier, you see. Big time, happy, sad, angry and mad; she cries. So she had her doctor give her a prescription that would keep her from crying all day - and it made her look just a little plastic. Like a doll with a huge, but painted on smile. Or a bride having an out of body experience, watching from the rafters as she walked down the isle.

The bride's processional was from The Sound of Music, played by the trumpeters and organ, except as she reached the podium - there was just the briefest tag of "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof. Ask me why. Well, I'll gladly tell you: This is the wedding of Clark Richmond to Kay Newton, who wanted to be Kay Richmond when she planned the wedding. So, the wedding had a sub-title. Can you guess? The sub-title was "If I Were a Richmond". "Daidle deedle daidle Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum." Ta da.

Other quirks: There were 7 attendants, one of whom was not only male - but a red-headed 7'6" tall male at that. The singers sang Shania Twain / Bryan White duet, "From This Moment" with an added tag that made me gaffaw. I hope I wasn't the only one. At the end of the song, after singing "As long as I live, I will love you, From this moment on" came "I GOT YOU BABE." Only it didn't sound like Sonny and Cher, but it was funny.

Kay looked over her shoulder, plastic happy face unchanging to share the laugh, but her face was just stuck. Almost like she'd been overbotoxed. That's just one impression I had, another was just of happiness and peace.

The most emotional moment of the wedding was the exchanging of vows. Clark went first. He has a computer that will speak for him, even that can take a long time. But they decided that he was going to speak his vows, which took even longer. It's is as if the instructions to his mouth to speak, accidenlty involve many other muscle groups. As he struggles to say his vows, it's almost as if he is, simultaneously, choking to death.

"Ieeee. AAAaarrrk. AAaake. Theeeee. AAyy. ooooo. eeee. MAHyee. LLLaaa aw Ffullee. EEEdded. WAHife."

It was tortrously long. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. Thankfully, I had broght a stack of paper towels with me.

I have got to finish this. . .

Rolf and I, slipped out the back door just after Clark and Kay passed our row as they recessed, in order that we might get the wedding cake out of the cooler and moved to the table. It was an 8 layer two tiered cake. Only a tiny bit of piped icing had fallen off, so I quickly fixed that before we dis-assembled the tiers, and painstakingly carried the two pieces to the other side of the reception hall, and reassembled it on the table without dropping it.

It looked so good. It tasted even better, especially after I moved a whole bunch of slices to the chocolate fountain table. Yum!

Near the end of the reception, I was standing over at the chocolate fountain, acting as a chocolate covered wedding cake pimp, and just laughing so much - because it is a mess, and so decadent, when the Suzanne Sugerbaker woman comes up to me.

She says "You know I promised myself that was going to come and talk to you" she says with a big smile. "After you said 'Isn't this lovely music,' my friend said 'I think he would like us to be quiet.' And I thought to myself 'Why that is the nicest way anyone has ever asked me to be quiet' and I decided right then I would come and tell you so."

And she just smiled and waited. . . and stared . . . I said

"It was lovely music, and I was just sitting there thinking about every thing you and your friends were saying about Cirque du Soleil costumes looking like Dr. Seuss, and I thought 'Gee, I should direct Seussical and dress them all as Cirque du Soleil accrobats." And we just stared at each other, her still with a huge frozen smile, until I just turned and walked away.

It was getting to be a long day, so after I'd packed up the top of the cake, and helped with way to much, including getting all the gifts loaded into the van - someone mentioned that some people had left gifts in the vestibule of the church; I ran to make sure it was all clear. The back way to the sanctuary led to the same door the tenor had entered.

And, except for the brilliant blues and other gem colors streaming in through the stained glass, it was dark. I walked to the center isle, and feeling like I was having the priviledge of singing for ten thousand people, I sang "A Simple Song" from Lenard Bernstein's Mass. And as my voice echoed off the stone, magnified by the cathedral ceiling; I thought "It doesn't get much better than this."

View Kay and Clarks' wedding pictures here.