Are you a Flig Pucker, too?

Show number 3. I was oddly happy going into the church, as pissed as I was that I didn't drink, took a shower and shaved, all on a Sunday night - given that there'd only been nine people in attendance last night. I sat, slumped backstage, with a of flask vodka tightly shut temptingly near by.

"It's odd," I said to 'Barbara'," that I'm so glad to be here and see you all, in that I'm extrapolating the anger of all the many casts invited to be on this stage, with the unspoken, and unfulfilled promise that there would be an audience."

Then I started wondering if I was using 'extrapolating' right as I lay down (lay, lain, layed???) backstage and heard . . .

"Oh that 'Barbara' she is such a good actress. She was in the class I took with Roland at LTA, and she is so good. . . I know I've never even been in a show, but I have my head shots. Well, a head shot is a picture that a professional from New York takes to help actors get jobs. Well, I've never been in a show, but you know, . . . this is a wonderful place to live with all these community theaters' . .. . my neice . .

blab blah balh aaslsladflaksjdfasd something or other . . . and so . . .

I was going to go to my first audition, because I've never really been in a show, although Roland said I could put the show case on my resume . . but I don't have a resume. . and I was going to go to the auditions for Aldersgate Theatre . . but I couldn't get my headshot to print. . so I just chickened out. . . "

I think I could easily hide behind a false stage wall and listen to people talk for hours. But the stage manager came in and said "it's time." . . so we all gather. . . all five of us. . .in the ladies room on the basement level because the choir room with the mirror is inexplicably locked. There is no prayer with this group, but we do-do a tongue twister. I don't. . . well I try, and then I just say "do da blah blah ?"

Don't try this at home:

I'm a fig plucker. I'm a fig plucker's son. I pluck figs until the fig plucker's come.

Act 1, scene 4 is not going well. This would be scene 4b, and I was pretty sure we were in trouble before I entered. 'Barbara' was jerking her head indicating that I should enter. . . but I whispered. . . "no, not until she says "Big Subject of the Evening" " which mother hadn't said yet. . . (Did I tell you yet . . . oh ,wait . . I didn't know yet how many people where there. . .) So, anyway . . . there 's a awkward pause before she finally says "Big Subject of the Evening" and then on we go . .

Live theatre; yay! Yeah. I was surprised that we / she only skipped a few paragraphs, it seemed like pages. But there I am pouring her drink (the first drink), and she says the line that comes after I've refilled 's everybody's drink . . even though three of us didn't even have drinks yet. And she gives me my cue, so I say it. What the hell? I don't know what's going on. There's no way I can save her ass. It's her scene, we're all just in it. . . and on stage in front of God knows how few people. . . and WATCH judges. . . . so, I say my line. . . from where I'm not supposed to be . . . and all four of us are using our peripheral vision in hopes that we'd see that someone clearly had a plan. . . All we see that 'Mother' is CLEARLY wishing she hadn't had wine with brunch after her little bike ride. . .