Only Trouble Is, Gee Whiz . . .

I'm dreamin' my life away . . .

I really am. Lord. Attention Deficit Disorder, and ready access to the internet is the devils bait and snare. Well, Maybe if I clear my head a little I can get back to studying my lines, until somebody starts hovering by, and then I'll have to do some real work. But mostly, I really need to firm up my lines for the play!

Children by A.R. Gurney opens next Friday. I am having a great time, but having difficulty with the lines! Especially when they keep bouncing around between me and my stage sister, who's missed so many rehearsals.

I've read the lines into a tape recorder. And now using the tape, and my memory, I'm trying to write / transcribe the dialog. I do it over and over until I've got it all down; while I'm writing and whispering a line like "You can't find a thing around here" and the tape keeps running, I just leave some space on the page and write down the next phrase I hear. Then I try to fill in the blanks, and translate my hurried scirbbles into dialog. Then I play the tape again and make corrections, and fill in the blanks . . . over and over again. Once that is all done, I compare it to the script and add the correct punctuation. And then I re-write it, transcribing from my notes, and now using my absolute best penmanship, and saying the words as I go . . . It is quite the laborious task. And I should have done it weeks ago. And I should have done more of it today! Here it is lunch time, and I'm not even finished with the first scene - much less devoted any time to Act 2 - which is really rough.

I had lunch with my niece yesterday, and coincidentally, I had dinner with my sister. Then I spent the evening reviewing my walking through my blocking and practicing my dialog. After that, Rolf and I sat in the sun room and read lines. Me holding tight to a pillow, and punching the couch every time I f***ed up. And he, reading all the women's roles, with one eye on the Basketball Playoffs.

My niece, "Shannon," was so petulant. Just like a little pouting child after a long long cry, likely to break into tears again at any moment. I couldn't stop laughing. She finds out in the next few days how many weeks into her first pregnancy she is. She's been sick since Saturday, and says "I just didn't realize it would be this hard" this after one week of "all-day morning sickness." "I don't think I can handle this if it's going to be like this for the whole time . . . I think maybe I made a mistake . . ." I so glad she didn't take offense. Because I thought she was hilarious. I'm just glad she didn't start sobbing, because I giggled every time I looked at her.

My sister, "Joy", is still very happily in love, although, as you would suspect since she got married so quickly, she's finding out things about her husband that she should have known long long ago. She's going to have to work very hard to improve his financial health, that's all I'll say. I did say that she should divorce him, then just live with him so she wouldn't be at any financial risk.

"But our morals wouldn't allow that," she said.

To which I said "You just need to be unmarried in the eyes of Virginia, but married in the eyes of God . . . just like me and Rolf!"

Of course I said this not looking directly at her, and I hurried to change the subject so she couldn't intone anything that would make me not talk to her for a couple of years, or slap her. I get very pissy when you disrespect my marriage. Even more so coming from her, so I preemptively deflected.

Do you think that marriage is going to last?

Well, she called me this morning. I had asked her last night if she thought that Mom and Dad were getting along. Daddy complained to Rolf that Mama will come downstairs in the morning, make herself a cup of coffee and breakfast without saying "Good Morning" or anything. And Mom just seems so sad.

I had asked Mom if they were getting along ok. She spat

"Well, all he does is just sit there, but everything is fine."

Joy said she was sure they were getting along. They had a good weekend down at the lake, and that they genuinely care about each other's well being. But, I said that Mom must be fed up. With Dad becoming frustrated not only about losing his mobility, but memory too; I know he yells at her. I told Joy, that I thought Mom was just mad. But she didn't think so, but she hadn't really noticed that Mom didn't seem to be ok.

So she called her on the way to work this morning, and Mama told her that she is depressed because she doesn't think she has long to live. Even though the cancer had been, and hopefully is still, under control in her liver, she has a bulging disk in her neck that still throbs. Of course she has a tumor on her spine that has stopped growing. So, that's that.

Spurred to action.

It's still likely that it will get her in the end. I was so emotionally exhausted after her chemotherapy, that I retreated. It's time to get back to bringing distraction and joy to their lives. I'll be working on their gardens again. I'll take Momma to concerts and shows. And I'll try to see them twice a week, which means I'll see them at least three times a month or more.

Here we go again.

Ready, Set, Smile.

For all we know this may only be a dream
We come and go like a ripple on a stream
so love me tonight; tomorrow was made for some
tomorrow may never come for all we know