New Years Resolutions

This was written by one of Rolf's co-workers! Ha ha ha!

This time of year, everyone is thinking about how to improve themselves during the coming year. I have decided this is too hard, and I had a better idea.
Instead of giving myself New Years Resolutions to try to improve my life, I decided it was better to give resolutions to other people in my life. Through their efforts, I feel it will be much easier for my life to be improved.

So, this is my list of resolutions that I am assigning to my friends and family:

• Tracy: Obey me more (I haven't actually told her about this one)
• Ron: Embrace your inner man-child
• Dan C.: Be prettier
• Bronwin: Marry a Kennedy
• Phil: Be more British
• Ellen: Embrace Ron's inner man-child
• Doug: Follow dream of becoming interpretive dancer
• Rolf: Avoid bouts of psychotic rage
• Marti: Find a better class of friends and co-workers
• John B.: Speak faster
• Dan N.: Convert to Islam
• Belinda: Accept Jesus as your lord. Or Satan. Whichever.
• Dave: Take up tai-bo
• Mom & Dad: Have more kids (I want a brother)
• Adam: Kick that heroin habit
• Susan: Debunk Ockham's Razor

Now that everyone has their assignments, I feel that if my life does not markedly improve in 2006, it is only the fault of those around me. And before anyone asks, you can not trade.

Avoid bouts of psychotic rage! I guess I'm not the only one to see the Rolf Show.